Getting Gouged To See My Own Lake

Man-made government-paid Lake Powell,
back when it was actually full.

A few years ago, I sold my car.  Every once in a while, I still see it tooling around town.  The next time I see the new owner driving my old car, I'm going to flag him down and ask him to give me another $15.  Then every time I see him on the road, I'll hit him up for another $15.  Yes, I know he already paid me, but that doesn't matter.  Because I see it again, I'm entitled to get paid again.  Right? 

Well that's what my government thinks.

I was reminded of this lesson recently during my first visit to Lake Powell.

While on my way to the Lake Powell Resort (an obscenely overpriced excuse for a Motel 6), I had to drive through a federal toll both.  In order to go onto the BLM-owned land on the edge of the lake where the resort was located, the government charges $15 for the visit.

Let's think this through.

The government originally obtained all the land that is the Lake Powell watershed more than a half-century ago .  If you believe that work of fiction called the U.S. Constitution, then the land is actually owned by the people of the United States.  You.  Me.  Your neighbor.  10 million illegal aliens.  You know, Americans.

The U.S. government started work on the Glen Canyon Dam in 1956, which turned that section of the Colorado River into a backed-up lake.  To build the dam, they used federal money.  Taxpayer money.  So in essence, the American people paid for the lake.

To get to and from the lake, the government built a road.  Again, using taxpayer money.

And of course, you can't have a five mile stretch of federally-owned road without a few thousand signs outlining all the things you can't do on YOUR federally-owned land, so there is naturally a cost for that which has to be passed along to the America taxpayer.

Then in quintessential government-think, what good are all the "no" signs unless you hire a few hundred government employees to serve as park rangers and BLM law enforcement officials to make sure visitors become intimately and economically familiar with the phrase "no means no"?

So to visit that five-mile stretch of pavement which parallels one small arm of Lake Powell, it costs $15. 

Let me put it to you another way:

The American people already paid for the lake, paid for the land, paid for the roads, and paid for the signs with their taxes, but have to pay another $15 every time they see their lake from their road.

It's like asking for 15 bucks every time I see the guy who paid me for my little red car.

For those suffering from some rare neurological disorder that forces them to inexplicably defend an indefensible government, who might claim that the $15 is for upkeep, I would invite them to actually save up their pennies and go visit Lake Powell.

What upkeep?

It's some of the ugliest, unkempt land you'll find south of Overton Arm.  It's like the whole place is being administered by a Harlem landlord. 

And to be honest, they must really suck at maintenance, because the lake is down about 60 feet from its normal level.  Even the manager of a third-rate Super 8 can figure out how to plug a leak in the pool.

The government is blaming a drought (ignoring the fact that the lake is right smack dab in the middle of the desert, where "drought" is actually the norm) for the lowered levels.  But the fact remains, the lake didn't have these shortfalls back before they started demanding a $15 cover charge.  (Using normal economic logic, the fact that the lake is down by a third means the visitors fee should at the very least be lowered to $10).

Then when you visit the Glen Echo Dam Visitor's Center, the government is proud to tell you that they've received nearly $2 billion over the last 30 or 40 years from the electric companies that pay them for the electricity the dam generates (you know, the dam that the taxpayers already paid for).  If my government is getting kickbacks from utility companies for the byproduct of a dam we paid for, why aren't they sending each of us a yearly check instead of gouging us for 15 bucks every visit?

Of course, anyone who has paid the $25 cover charge to drive through Zion National Park would agree with me.  The gub'ment didn't even build anything to create the mountains like they did with Lake Powell.  The mountains and features were already there.  But somehow it's okay for the feds to swipe $25 for the privilege of seeing mountains the government didn't build.

Maybe I should just shut up now before the feds snatch this idea as their latest revenue stream: charging people for things they DIDN'T build or do.  Although, seeing some of the disastrous projects our government has come up with in the last two decades, maybe we would be dollars ahead to pay them NOT to do something.  (Hubble Telescope, anyone?)

For now, my advice to all Americans is to avoid any national park that charges an entrance fee.  If you're desperate to get gouged and ripped off, come to Las Vegas (where at least you can still look at the water for free at the Bellagio, the Venetian, and Treasure Island).

Or you can do this:  Fill up your bathtub, then pull the plug and let about a third of it go down the drain.  Spend 30 minutes admiring the water, enjoying the peace and serenity (if you don't have three kids pounding on the door screaming that they have to go number two).  Stick your hand or foot in the water.  Then write a check for $15 and send it to me for the privilege.  Yes, it's your house, your tub, and you've already paid for the water.  But I'm talking about the new American Way.

If I receive enough of these "visitor fees," I'll be happy to update this story with a report on how much they charge to visit national parks in Maui.